Everyone has their measure of sorrows and struggles in this life. When the inevitable disappointments and problems occur, we may not know how to deal with them, so we carry grudges. We can be very hard on ourselves and others, which may steal away our happiness. In modern-day life, we suffer from too much anger, hostility, discord and conflicts that aren't resolved.

Forgiveness allows us to release the past and be fully present, immediately, and it leaves us glowing with peace, calm, mercy and compassion that is our birthright.

Although forgiveness may require effort, it has tremendous potential and the pay-off is great! Learn to forgive, move on with your life and make good things happen.

• What its not: Forgiveness is not condoning, excusing, forgetting or denying an offense, and it does not always involve reconciliation.
• Dominant: When we do not apologise to the person whom we have hurt, the person's pent-up emotions may become a dominant theme in their lives.
• Defensive: By becoming defensive towards those who have been hurt by us, we are kept in survival mode and are unable to truly let the experience go.
• Justice: Forgiving and seeking justice are compatible concepts. If someone intentionally breaks your window, you can forgive them. But you can also seek payment of the bill for the new window.
• Abuse: Forgiveness does not mean putting yourself into an abusive relationship.
• Definition: Forgiveness can be defined as recognizing that you have been wronged, then giving up all resulting resentment and eventually possibly responding to the offending person with compassion and even love.
• Key: Letting go of unwanted anger, grudges and negative feelings is thought to be key to true forgiveness, but not everyone wants to do so.
• Inner process: The process of asking for forgiveness never depends on forgiveness being given by another person. Rather, it is an inner process of resolve and completion through taking responsibility and becoming vulnerable.
• Difficulty: Sometimes, forgiveness comes naturally, but in severe cases of abuse, forgiveness requires much more effort.
• Transformation: After deep forgiveness the mind's functioning seems to be transformed!
  • Emotions: Reduce bitterness, helplessness, hurt, anger, grudges, resentments, emotional pain and depression.
  • Prevent: Forgiveness prevents further negative emotions.
  • Health: Forgiveness is a strong healing agent in the body. Anger, resentment and unwillingness to forgive negatively influence the body's immune system.
  • Warm: We become increasingly optimistic, loving, friendly, compassionate and self confident.
  • Happy: By letting go, you become a happier, friendlier, healthier person. Joy and laughter returns.
  • Energetic: Life energy becomes much more available. By holding on to resentments and bitterness, a lot of our life energy may be wasted.
  • Positive: A positive change in outlook, relationships with people, and general well-being.
  • Relaxed and flexible: Less stress, anxiety, depression and less angered by daily events and easier to get over upsets.

Technique 1: Letter of forgiveness

Writing such a letter is your healing gift to yourself, regardless of what the response is. When someone was hurt by your actions, whether intentionally or not, write a heartfelt, humble letter of forgiveness to the person:

• Letters: Letters are less invasive and confrontive than a personal meeting or phone call and it gives the recipient time for reflection before responding.
• Responsibility: For your healing to be complete, you need to take full and sincere responsibility for your own actions, thoughts or any part you played in a painful situation. Focus on how your behaviour has hurt the other person, rather than give attention to how they've hurt you.
• Own hurt: Write another letter to express your own hurt.
• Ask: Ask for forgiveness for the pain you had caused and sincerely apologise for any mistakes made.
• Be vulnerable: Reveal your own sadness or remorse for causing them pain.
• Appreciation: Let the person know if you appreciate them. Look at who they are rather than the painful interraction with you.
• Their choice: Let them know you are not asking them to respond in any way. You are doing this for yourself, not to get forgiven by them. If they write back, it has to be their choice.
• Feedback: Share the letter with someone you trust, and get their feedback.
• Sending: When you write the letter, give yourself the option of not sending it. Asking for forgiveness is, after all, a very personal and inner process.  If it feels right to do so, send the letter.

Technique 2: Meditation

• Physically: Sit and become aware of your natural breathing, in and out. Feel the meaning and intent of each word of your meditation.
• Hurting others: "There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed others knowingly and unknowingly in this life, many times that I have caused sorrow, betrayed, or abandoned others. I remember these now. I feel these. In the many I have hurt and harmed others out of fear, out of my pain or confusion.  I ask their forgiveness. May I be forgiven."
• Hurting ourselves: "There are many ways I harm myself, knowingly and unknowingly, abandon or betray myself, cause myself pain. I remember these now. I picture and feel the sorrows I have caused myself. And in many ways have hurt or harmed myself out of my confusion, out of fear and pain. I offer myself forgiveness. May I be forgiven."
• Hurting us: Let yourself feel the ways others have harmed you and say: "In the many ways others have hurt me, abandoned or betrayed me, knowingly or unknowingly, out of their confusion, out of their anger and pain, out of their fear and ignorance, I see these now and feel what I have carried. And to the extent that I am ready, I offer forgiveness. I release you. I release my hatred and anger if I am ready. I will not put you out of my heart."
• Physical: After the practice of forgiveness, let yourself feel the breath gently in your heart. Again, as if you could breathe easily in and out of your chest.

Technique 3: Chanting

• Create chants which are positive statements which you can repeat to yourself throughout the day. Here are a few examples:
  • By love alone, we heal. This truth is greater than sorrow.
  • I abolish resentment and have forgotten where the hatchet is buried

Other Techniques:

• Guided imagery, journal writing and discussions, counseling